The Conversation You Didn't Hear
by MarineWife
Summary: during the episode of "Ghost". C/O relationship but focuses on A/O
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.**

**A/N: One shot, really just a little snippet. I'm not really a C/O fan, but this is more of an A/O I guess. I dreamt it of all things, so I had to write it. Not real sure about it. It just seems incomplete. Let me know of any ideas. Missing scene from "Ghost".**

They were both silent as Alex looked over the file. They knew it was something Alex should never see, but wanted her to have as much time as possible looking at it. A phone ringing from Olivia's bag brought Alex out of her thoughts on the file in front of her, but she didn't look up. She assumed it was Elliot checking in on them until she heard Olivia answer, "Hey hun."

"_Hey babe. I know you're "working" with Alex. I just wanted to call and say good night."_ Casey said.

"It's fine. What have you done tonight?" Alex knew she should leave the room and give Olivia her privacy, but Olivia had made no move to leave the room, so she sat and appeared to be reading the file.

"_Oh, I just got ready for bed. I've got this guy coming over in a little bit," _Casey saidwith a slight giggle. _"He swears he loves me, and can't wait to have his way with me."_

"You little hussy! Couldn't even go one night could you?" Olivia laughed.

"_Figured if you wouldn't why should I?"_ Olivia heard her mumble. _"I can go just as long as you can."_ Casey answered louder for Olivia to hear.

"I'm not having this discussion with you again. Especially not now," Olivia answered. She shot a quick look to Alex who was still going over the file. Alex could tell by her tone, the conversation had made an unpleasant turn. She remembered the many times Olivia had used that exact tone on her. "Listen, I don't want to argue about it anymore. You're being ridiculous!"

"_Oh, it's ridiculous for me to be upset that you get babysitting duty on your ex? In a hotel room? Please explain to me how it's ridiculous. Tell me that you wouldn't be upset about it if the situation were reversed in some way."_

"The only thing I'm telling you is that I'm through with this. I will not talk about it anymore tonight. If you had more to say, you should have said it earlier instead of waiting until I was gone and here. Little childish don't you think? Trying to have an argument with me over the phone? This can and will wait until tomorrow."

There was a long pause. Alex chanced a glance over at Olivia who had her back to the room and was looking out the window. Alex couldn't help but agree that whatever their conversation was about shouldn't be dealt with over the phone. Those type of conversations warrant a face to face encounter.

"_Listen Liv, I know I'm being silly. I just can't help it. I know how in love with her you were, and it was just a huge shock that she was still alive. And it doesn't help that you are indeed alone with her all night in a hotel room. But I am sorry. I love you."_

Olivia let out a tired sigh. "I know. We'll clear it all up when we get a chance. Call me later if you can't sleep. Sweet dreams." And with that she hung up the phone.

"Trouble in paradise?" Alex couldn't help but feel jealous. She knew she had no right. She had just told Olivia of the man she was seeing earlier that night. But for some reason it didn't seem fair that Olivia had been able to stay here with everyone and find someone else, while Alex had left everything and everyone behind.

"Hmm," was the only response she recieved. Olivia continued to look out the window at the city below.

Alex walked to the window and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I didn't mean to listen. I just couldn't help it. I remember how you use to answer the phone for me that way. And get that particular tone in your voice with me too. Want to talk about it?"

Olivia turned to look at her with a arched eyebrow. "A tone huh?"

"You know exactly what tone. The condescending tone trying to prove that you're older and wiser than the rest of us. Oh, how I hated that tone."

"You always used your lawyer tone on me. All I've got is condescending. And I am older than you, but defiantly not wiser."

Alex smiled sweetly. "I really am here for you if you need to talk Livy. I would hate to think that we couldn't talk to each other anymore. I'm still the same, just have a different name."

Olivia sighed. "I don't think you're going to like it."

"I don't have to like it," Alex answered giving Olivia's shoulder a light squeeze. "I just have to be your friend and listen."

Olivia sat on the window sill facing Alex. "That was Casey. We've been seeing each other for a few months now."

"Wow," Alex said heatedly, "you've really got a thing for the ADA's huh." She threw up her hand when she saw Olivia opening her mouth to speak, and took a deep breath. "Sorry. Knee-jerk jealousy. I didn't mean that. I can be your friend. I _can _be your friend." She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself.

"We don't have to do this Alex. It's okay. I didn't particularly enjoy hearing about a man whispering your name either. Even if it wasn't your name. It's fine." Olivia explained trying to make Alex more comfortable.

"No. I want to be here for you. I like to think I'd be the one you would come to talk to about such things if I were here."

"And I like to think you'd be the other person involved in such a situation, and I'd have to go bitching to Elliot," Olivia answered with a sad smile. She shook her head when Alex started to speak. "She's just jealous about this entire thing. That I knew you were alive all along, you coming back, and me staying here with you tonight. Evidently she didn't get enough of it out when we talked about it earlier today."

"That is absolutely absurd. Being an ADA, she should understand that you couldn't tell her about me being in the Witness Protection Program for my well-being. Sounds a bit immature to me."

"Oh come on Alex. Like you wouldn't be upset if I kept all this from you, and then had to shack up with the woman on top of everything. Since I hadn't told her you were alive, why should she trust the fact that I would tell her about tonight's happenings?" Olivia asked.

A quite hmm was the only response she received. Alex went back to studying the file, and Olivia stayed at the window sill looking out. "So, how are things between you two other than me being here?" Alex finally broke the silence.

"They're pretty good. We don't fight like you and I did, but that just means there's no make-up sex," she winked and Alex laughed. "She's a good lawyer, but she bends way to many rules. It'll kick her in the ass soon enough."

Alex looked down at the file. "And you Detective never break the rules."

"And neither do you Counselor," Olivia answered in reference to the Cavanaugh case. "She's sweet," Olivia said getting back on the topic of Casey. "The cases always hit her as hard as they do me, so it's nice. She's a good kid. She plays softball, so we go the batting cages a lot, and we run in the park daily."

"God Liv, do you love her or do you babysit her?" Alex asked in a joking tone.

"No, I don't. I mean, I do love her, but not the way I should. I don't know. It's just…easy." Olivia spoke turning away from Alex and looking out the window again.

"Liv," Alex spoke, but wanted Olivia to see what she was saying. "Olivia. Livy look at me. You need more than easy. You deserve to be happy."

"I had happy Alex. I had that with you. For the first time in my life I was happy. And look how that turned out for me." She shook her head when she saw Alex start to talk. "I know it's not our fault, but it doesn't change what is. I broke when you left. It was so hard to put the front up for everyone else, but I knew I had to. It was easier when Casey came around. It didn't help me forget or overcome what I felt, but it made it possible to not think about you every second of everyday. I had happy Allie. Now I'm just okay with being content."

They sat for a minute and as soon as Alex began to speak, Olivia's phone rang. Olivia made no move to get it. "You should get that." Olivia just shook her head. "Liv, you told her to call you if she needed to."

"And I need this Lex. I need to just be able to talk to you again. I need to be able to talk to somebody without having anything to hide, and you're the only one I can."

Alex started to argue, but stopped and just slowly nodded. "I need this too Liv. I know how hard it is for you to open up to people, and you have no idea how important it is to me that you can do so with me. It was hard for me when I left to have to guard everything I said. I literally had to think about every little thing I said before I said it. I still do."

"I know how hard it was for me, but I can't even imagine how hard it was for you. At least I had Elliot's shoulder to cry on. You had nobody. I know neither of us are the most open people, but at least we had somebody lean on when we needed to, and that was taken away from you."

Alex let out a sigh of relief. "You don't know how nice it is to her that Liv. I knew that that would be how you would see it, but there was this small part of me that was afraid you'd hate me for everything."

"I'm not going to lie Alex. After you left, it was like you really had died. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the situation. But my heart knew you were gone. Then after that passed, I was so mad at you. I had told you to back off, and you just wouldn't listen. You just had to play the hero. I wanted to hate you. I tried real hard to hate you," Olivia laughed softly. "And then after that, I accepted and thought of how hard it was for you. I knew why you stood so strong in your convictions. I knew I would have done the exact same thing, and that you refused to back down was one of the reasons I loved you. I worried about you. Not just about you being safe, but about how you were coping. Even though it hurt to think about it, I hoped you'd find somebody. I knew you wouldn't be able to talk to anybody about everything, but that you'd at least have somebody there who could comfort you when you'd need it."

They spoke throughout most of the night. Sometimes it was deep conversations, sometimes it was just daily antics. Olivia filled Alex in on everything that happened with the squad while she was gone that she could think of. Alex told her about her boring mundane job.

When Alex started yawning, Olivia told her to head to bed. She needed her rest for the trial tomorrow. She didn't put up much of an argument and headed to the adjoining bedroom. Olivia pulled off her boots got ready to sleep on the couch, changing into a pair of running shorts and a tank top.

Fifteen minutes had passed, and Olivia had finally heard Alex situate herself. After another ten, she heard her name.

"Yea Lex," she answered from the couch.

There was a long pause. "Could you come sleep with me?" Olivia knew how hard it was for Alex to ask for anything, but she also knew what situation Alex was asking her to put her in. After a very short debate, she rose from the couch, grabbing her gun and phone, and headed towards the bedroom.

She stood at the threshold. She slowly walked to the opposite side of the bed, placing her gun and cell on the bedside table. She silently pulled back the covers and slid in. It felt a bit acquired at first. She didn't really know what Alex wanted from her.

As if reading her mind, Alex spoke. "We don't have to do anything Liv. I would never put you in that position. I wouldn't mind you holding me though. I mean…if you can't that's fine, but it would be really nice right now."

Without a second thought, Olivia scooted over and wrapped herself around Alex, one arm acting as a pillow as the other snaked across Alex's stomach. She placed her leg between Alex's and softly started scratching Alex's stomach with her nails.

The both let out a sigh of contentment and fell asleep with a smile playing across their face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine…**

**A/N: We're picking up after they've been told that Alex left again and everybody's gone home. Casey and Olivia are continuing their conversation in Olivia's apartment.**

It had never entered her mind that Alex would have to leave again. She had just automatically assumed that her coming back meant for good. She didn't even get to tell her goodbye this time. And here she is again, sitting in her apartment missing Alex and wondering when, or if, she will ever see her again.

Only this time, Casey is with her, sitting at the opposite end of the couch as if she belongs there. Any other night she would. But Olivia knew that Casey would not be offering any comfort tonight, and she was in no mood to have the conversation she knew Casey was waiting to start.

"Look Casey," Olivia wanted to stop them before they got started. "Can we do this tomorrow? I know we need to talk; I'm not trying to avoid it. I'm just really tired and need to head to bed."

"And why might you be tired Detective?" Casey asked with a cold stare. "Because I know that I called your phone last night after eleven, and when you didn't answer I assumed you were asleep. That would most defiantly be more sleep than you're use to."

Olivia sighed loudly. She seriously did not want to do this right now. She wanted to be alone so images of last night with Alex could run through her head undisturbed. "I wasn't asleep when you called. Alex and I were talking, and I knew if you really needed me you would call back."

"I did need you Liv," the cold stare was replaced by sadness. "I needed you to be here instead of in a hotel room with the beautiful Alexandra Cabot. I needed reassurance from you that we'd still be okay even with her in the picture."

"You know I had no choice in the matter Casey. I had to stay with Alex last night. It was orders."

"But what if they weren't orders? If you hadn't been assigned to stay with her last night, would you have actually come here to me, or would you have gone to see her anyways?" Casey posed the question that she didn't actually want the answer to.

The silence was the answer. Casey stood up from the couch and walked to the window to look out. "I knew it. I knew I was always just the replacement. SVU's replacement as ADA; your replacement as Alex. You could've fucking told me Liv instead of letting me think that you were over her and that you could actually come to love me."

"Casey," Olivia slowly got up and walked towards her.

Casey spun around towards Olivia. "Whatever you have to say, just stop. Think real hard about it. I know you Olivia. You'll say whatever it is you think I need to hear so that you won't hurt 

me, and I'll just lap it up like a damn puppy because I'm willing to take whatever scrap I can get from you. God! I don't know who's more pathetic, you or me! You waiting for somebody who will probably never come back; me loving you so much that I'm okay with just being the stand-in. So what? If she were to stay would you just completely turn your back on what we've had these past few months?"

"The truth?" Casey nodded. "I probably would have broken up with you, but not turned my back on what we've had. You have no idea how special you are to me Casey. You turned it all around for me. After all the years with the guys, you were the only one who could see how much pain I was in and made an effort to help me out. And with time then maybe I could grow to love you like you hope. I love you now for what you've done and what we have and who you are, but I don't love you the way I should. Maybe it _will_ come to that Casey. I just don't know."

The sadness turned back into anger. Anger was so much easier to handle. "Did you fuck her?"

There was a look of shock on Olivia's face. "What?"

"Did. You. Fuck. Her? You understand me. Or do I need to spell it out as well?"

"God Casey! No I did not fuck her! Are you serious? Do you think that little of me?" Olivia wanted to be mad at Casey for belittling the relationship she had with Alex. She just didn't have the energy.

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to think Olivia? You're stuck in a hotel room all night with her. Then when the agent came to say she left, I could see it in your eyes. You were heartbroken all over again," Casey exclaimed.

"Yes I was heartbroken all over again. You could not even begin to understand the relationship Alex and I had; before she left and last night. We talked, just sat up and talked," Olivia explained exasperatedly.

"So, you can look me in the eyes and say you didn't sleep with her?"

"No I can't because I did sleep with her," Olivia hurried to continue as she saw the fire in Casey's eyes. "Slept. As in eyes closed, dreaming, slept."

"See!? Damn it Liv! How the fuck am I supposed to be okay with that? How am I supposed to keep on loving you when I saw your face when he said she was gone? And then the party was just over, as if it had all been about her anyways. As if _she_ had won the case."

"Wow…I just realized how self-centered you really are. And please forgive us if we don't feel like celebrating anymore after our family has been taken away from us again. Because that's what she was to everybody, family."

"Oh don't give me that bull shit family stuff," Casey yelled. "I've been part of this team for longer than she was here, and I am in no way part of "the family". There is no family. It's just a damn club that you pick and choose who you want to be in it."

"You can only be part of the family when you want to be. You have done everything in your power to not become a part of it. The only time you want anything to do with us is when you know it can help you in some way," Olivia shook her head at Casey's foolishness. She was actually seeing how shallow Casey was. It had never been about becoming part of the family; it had been about getting whatever needed for her cases and nothing more. It had never been about helping Olivia; it was about getting what she wanted, which just happened to be Olivia.

Silence overtook the room as they were both lost in thought. Casey remained standing, looking out the window. Olivia returned to her seat on the couch, eyes open but seeing nothing but Alex.

"I can't do this anymore Olivia." Casey said sadly, never turning. "I can't remain playing second best with you. I thought it would be enough for a while. I really thought you would get over her and could love me. But I can't just wait around for that to happen anymore. Because now I know that when she comes back, that you'll run right back to her and I'll be left with nothing."

"I'm sorry Casey. I wish I could give you what you needed. I can't just turn away from what she and I had. I can't just turn off my feelings for her because she's not here," Olivia said with tears in her eyes. Tears for what she and Alex had lost, and for what she and Casey were now losing.

Casey slowly walked towards the door, stopping at the couch to place a soft kiss on Olivia's lips. "I'll always be here for you if you need me," she whispered, tears silently falling down her face.

And with that she was gone. Olivia never moved, just allowed the tears to fall freely down her face. The hole that Casey had slowly started to fill ripped open again with both Alex and Casey leaving. She knew that Casey leaving hurt more from the lack of comfort than the lack of Casey herself. She felt guilty that she had allowed herself to pretend for Casey. She had always known that if she could move past Alex, Casey would not be the one to move on with. She had taken advantage of Casey and felt horrible about it.

Thoughts slowly drifted to Alex. There was never any question as to whether she still loved Alex or not. But the longer she thought, the more she wondered if they would even have a chance if Alex ever did come back. She was almost certain that they would try, but who knew if it would actually work? Alex had been gone for so long and had been through so much, Alex could have changed in so many ways.

She was interrupted from her mind by a knock at the door. She assumed it was Elliot wanting to check on her after Alex leaving almost didn't answer it. When the knocking continued, she 

slowly rose from the couch, whipping the drying tears from her eyes. She didn't bother checking the peep hole and opened the door.

Her breath caught in her throat. "I thought you were gone," she whispered.

Alex stood wringing her hands, an act you would never have caught the old Alexandra Cabot doing. "I couldn't."


End file.
